About CCC - 2
bus station in the Croatian resort town, 10 am, unfinished coffee, smoked a cigarette. From the nearby platform to push off the bus kusturichnye psychedelic Vinkovci, and I, Queen of cattle cemetery and matorrales with annoyance think that I have there, but not in decency, sleek Ljubljana. Why should I go to the capital of Slovenia? Only because in this city once wanted to get my dad, and there is a direct flight to Kiev, and from Zagreb, no? Still, I am going according bought for 20 euro ticket. Dastardly creation rigged so that the Ljubljana fascinated me, and then laughed for a long time, when the hit parade of favorite cities in the world, I put it on honorable third place after Chicago and Medellin. Then the Croat-Slovene long journey is over, but what prevents embark on a virtual ethnographic Balkan tour, which aims - familiarity with Homo balkanius, adequate and not very much. Let's go!
Serbia
I begin banal. Zoran manic loved all the girls from the former USSR, except for your humble servant. But periodically he compliments and gifts to me: "Victoria, you're a good girl, but not very bolshii intellekt. And all because I did not appreciate his innovative method enrichment of vocabulary. Others are inspired him to poetry and culinary masterpieces. Ukrainka He dedicated the poem "Lena, Lena, pussy foot, and Belarusian suggested" drink tea in srpski. What is it, I will not write because it's disgusting, but I can children to read and Baptists. After the failed tea ceremony, a good half of the Zocalo hath friends and acquaintances, and because of an obstruction, it is nothing no choice but to learn to be a masseuse. Now he wears a purple jacket, goes in a white limousine and still tries unsuccessfully to seduce girls from other Soviet republics and to receive "cookies, jam, communication."
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In the gym I met a beautiful Serbian - Pestsovaya coat to toe красные кроссовки «Пума», когда-то роковые очи подведены чёрным, тяжёлые светло-русые волосы уложены в причёску «зав. Белградского гороно». «Я на пенсии, муж died, and I'm absolutely nothing to do. Just go to Zumbo and workout 6 days a week, but to make such a waist, as I want, still does not work. Sometimes going with my friends, go to a restaurant, dancing, drinking wine ... At Christmas, I'll go to California, and in summer the familiar name for Burma and Nepal, but I'm more eager to Moscow. I can not imagine what to do with so much free time! When you register at the school? We ought to be inscribed in English, but I can not speak, and grammar do not know. And computer courses do not interfere. But you did not understand! You're still young! »
***
first day of the semester. Teacher conducts orientation and in the end asks questions. Serbian Student: "You are so fat. Tell me, how much do you weigh? »
Croatia
about" Sexy dzhenitora "which always comes another once I have already written in the first Part . But I was silent about the fact that in our house is a boiler room, who run the repair works Croat mini-mafia christened briefly and clearly: "base". The base was not the only reason our almost ancient buildings. It contains strategic reserves of cheap swill Croatian "Kaštelet 'favorite Eastern Europeans Heineken beer, the Yugoslav Balykov in red and white boxes, and decorated her sagging sofa. Croats, strong-willed ears definitely knew a good judge of bad wine, mediocre beer, steadfastly meat and unambiguous hint.
Lyrical digression number 1.
known to fishermen brag sized allegedly caught fish, the waiters - the amount allegedly received a tip, and the Croatian dzhenitory - the amount allegedly seduced lodger at home. Female the floor was a most personal: Sdobnaya Mexican Mary, whose heart was busy janitor Jadranko. How it thrilled every time, seeing as he crawl mop on the windows ... Two Greek God - old daughter, and even more elderly mother, 90-year-old grandmother, who, according to Ratomira, "to the grandfather, neurasthenic dancer Sandra a black babe Nicole - a single mother with three children from three different fathers, and your humble servant. You know who won the high honor to be invited "To drink" in the boiler room with a flowing acrobatic tricks on the couch eaten bugs?
... Yugoslav saw me at the other end of the quarter and Rushed right through the flower beds. I thought that we have again complained to a neighbor below, "poltergeist" from Honduras that we have too much walking, but it was much worse.
- Vicki, I think that's all ... Your mom was here a year. And that ... no Skem? Could not find the boyfriend?
- And she was not looking, and from the lack of sex yet no one died!
- That you always know what to say. I am confident that with you in bed and not boring. How are you love more?
- Keep up the good work! And I call your boss, and he'll sealed doggy style for harassment ... Or what do you love more?
- Well, you're a European, a man ... "Vegetable" Sandra, I would have never suggested anything like that!
I think the story should be called XXX instead of KKK ... But back to the cave with the treasure. Spare key was at my Brother as he can with equal ease ingratiate themselves to politicians, homeless people, the oligarchs, criminals, homosexuals, bohemians and Pakistan, not to mention the Croatian cousins. Ratomir and a mini-mafia in the face of plumbing Mr. Woods, an electrician Mladen, cleaner Jadranko and nationalist Franjo knew Slavic wisdom: "How much booze do not buy it, still not enough ' That's why they gave Brother golden key to the case when, during the fiesta we have run out of drinks and food, and shops are already closed. The only condition - We had to restock by Monday, when after a short and easy to work day, the brothers-Slavs were going to miss a glass "Kaštelet and gossip on your hard language.
Then Mladen went on vacation on the beautiful island of Cres, and Ratomir on the next at least a beautiful island Krk.
Lyrical digression number 2.
June 2009. Tour bus returns to the Plitvice Lakes . Guide says: "On the left - the greenest in Croatia Krk Island "and shows a hand on ... absolutely bare rocks!
... Plumber Mr Val stayed on the farm and hung at the bottom of the ad with a request to call him "Mr Valerio. The case has provided very soon - tile in the bathroom as the stars poured into the southern night. "Zys of music imerdzhensi!" (Nothing urgent) - said how to cut Mr. Valerio.
- I'll come when I have time! You live in a apartment? Oh, so you're the nice Ukrainian girl? Then tomorrow I'll do anything!
He was heavily drinking, how many plumbers, and good, as many drinkers ...
Continued Balkan tour follows. Then at the rate - Bosnia, Bulgaria and Romania.
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